Comic Relief: Keyword Searches

3 Comments on Comic Relief: Keyword Searches

Two posts today as I’m off skiing tomorrow for the next week!

Serge remarked on Whiskyfun the other day that a lot of the whisky sites seemed to be getting rather serious lately (perhaps brought on by economic misery and the crummy weather), so in honour of next month’s Red Nose Day and since I’m in a very good mood for several reasons, I thought I’d lift the gloom with my Top Ten Ridiculous Ways That People Have Found The TWE Blog.  These search terms are all absolutely genuine, by the way – I got them off Google Analytics.


In ascending order, then:

10. “raising spent caps initially” – I’ve read this phrase over many times and I still just can’t make sense of it.  My best guess is that it’s a cryptic crossword clue, as I can’t make sense of most of them either.

9.  “glen moray like a child” – It’s easy to see how this got directed to my site as I did write a post about Glen Moray in which I referred to the distillery as an unloved step-child.  But whoever did this search couldn’t have known that.

8.  “louis the 13 wiskey” – Sigh.  At least I know what this one was meant to be about. But really, if you think it’s whisky you shouldn’t be able to afford it.

7.  “colometric analysis for oil”  – I’m pretty certain that at no time on this blog have I ever used the phrase ‘colometric analysis’.  It sounds like something Gillian McKeith might do to your sample.

6.  “fudge tasting appearance” – Again, it’s difficult to work out why these three words were entered together into Google.  Perhaps it’s an obsessive Vanessa fan who wants to track her movements.  Or an album title?

5.  “colloidaal zilverwater brugge” – I won’t be Googling this myself because I don’t want to be disabused of my notion that it refers to a rather exciting Belgian sci-fi novel.

4. “pictures of charlotte from only opaques blog” – I’m guessing that this has to do with the Port Charlotte post.  I’m also guessing that coming to the TWE Blog was not quite as exciting as what this person was looking for.

3.  “andrew neil photographed with his lady friends” – For those readers who don’t know who he is, Andrew “Brillo Pad” Neil is the slightly pompous former editor of the Sunday Times newspaper who, due to a long-running feud with the satirical magazine Private Eye, has to put up with them printing this picture in every issue on the flimsiest of pretexts:



Stunningly, two people found their way to TWE Blog using this search term (or possibly the same person twice, which would be even more bizarre).  That really shows dedication, I gave up after page 25 of the results.

2.  “blended whiskey is crap i don’t care what color the label is”  – By the spelling, and the general forthright manner of this statement, I’m guessing that this was from one of our friends across the water.  Perhaps a man seeking to pick a fight in an online forum?

And finally, the runaway winner:

1.  “cat with twe heads” – It’s funny how a simple typo can cause so much confusion and yet bring so much amusement at the same time.  Is this what you were looking for?   (Apologies to readers of a sensitive disposition):

Dear God, take it away!!!!

Cat with TWE heads - yes, it's the Timcat

Anyway, enough nonsense – those were my Top Ten Ridiculous Ways That People Have Found The TWE Blog – hope you liked ’em.  If they gave you a laugh, how about donating for next month’s Comic Relief?

Cheers – See you all in a week or so,
Tim F
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kallaskander says:

Hi there,

very witty and some outright strange. After the laughter was over my eyes kept on being drawn back to the introduction

“Serge remarked on Whiskyfun the other day that a lot of the whisky sites seemed to be getting rather serious lately (perhaps brought on by economic misery and the crummy weather),…”

Sorry to comment more on the serious side than on the funny side.

But one could argue that the seriousness come from the whisky industry taking the fun out of their products – for money.
I am not sure that the forums I read and the ones Serge reads are identical but I`d guess they all are at home in Europe and the US.
If you see what customers have to put up with these days you can surmise that the gloominess that Serge seems to find in whisky forums more and more stems from an increasing estrangement between the whisky fun and the whisky price. And it is not only all about the prices being asked. It is about availability and quality, too.
Sorry if I have to mention it again but pricese for whiskies like Ardbeg Blasda Scapa 16 Longmorn 16 and Royal Lochnagar Distillers Edition in comparison to the Royal Lochnagar 12yo (there in Gemany a difference of 33 € because of some Muscatel casks?)could very well cause some seriousness.

Lucas says:

“blended whiskey is crap i don’t care what color the label is” rules!:D Love it.
But “colometric analysis for oil” is the winner.

Chris says:

Some really strange searches. You have to wonder what they were looking for. It would be interesting to know if any of them had become avid readers of TWE 🙂

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